there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
