saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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