D3 body, D1 cock
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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