My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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