I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
