do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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