FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
