One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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