i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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