yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
