I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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