My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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