I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just found puke in my bra..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
