The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
