my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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