Welp...herpes.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
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We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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