i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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