Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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