one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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