I just threw up on my dentist
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
