it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize