Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You're like the curious george of whores
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize