my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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