He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower