He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
