Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Houston, we have a blender
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sext me about skeletons
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
