Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize