do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
