my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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