you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
