My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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