Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
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We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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