so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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