Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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