When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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