at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
