During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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