oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
