I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
