Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
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you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize