i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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