If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
