You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I AM VODKA MAN
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
