So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
