Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
