I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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