Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
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That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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