oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
