We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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