Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
