Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
