please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We are all done wearing pants today
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
