i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
