the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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