i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize