Pappa wants mamma naked
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
