the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
